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March 8,2002

What about all the attention???

I got an email yesterday asking me...What about all the attention, how do you handle it? The person went on to say that she hated drawing attention to herself....
 How do I handle the attention?...I accept it for what it is...I look so different that when people see me, sometimes they just blurt the first thing that comes to mind and at times it can be embarrasing. I am a nurse in a school system, and went walking into a seventh grade class the other day and a girl blurted out... Mrs. "X" have you lost  a ton of weight? I could feel my cheeks get red but I simply answered yes, which she responded, "you look great!". I could feel all these teenage eyes upon me and was rather relieved  to go on my way.
I think that people are amazed esp if they have not seen me in five months. I never bring up the subject of my weight loss, but I gladly will answer anyone's questions.
 One of the things that attention brings is the expectation that this weight loss will continue and that I can never go back.  Those are big shoes to fill. I don't ever want to weigh what I weighed last Oct ever again...but most of us have lost weight, only to gain it back... I am determined not to allow this to happen.  I guess with all the attention comes the stark reality that if I did gain weight, everyone would know that I failed myself.
I  keep  remembering  that this journey is for me and my health...and that is the most important thing, and that people's questions or exclamations are done with good intentions....I can handle the attention and only pray I can handle being thin when I get there.  It scares the hell out of me, I have never been thin as an adult....but the body is only a shell and it is the inner person that counts.. and it will still be the same me....