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The Journey continues.........Maintenance
December 28,2002

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The struggle is nothing compared to the humiliation of being completely out of control!
                 unknown

This holiday season has been difficult at best for me.  I think it has been the first time in over a year that I have trouble being in control of my eating program.  I am not sure why, perhaps a combination of being on maintenance and giving myself permission to eat.  As I have said before, I am an all or nothing type gal and have not learned moderation.  Yesterday was the first day in one week that I stayed on program, drank the water, and did not eat anything off program.  I have to say that I have been real faithful about the exercise and that is what has kept the"damages" down:. I am up nine pounds since Thanksgiving and it scares the hell out of me.  In a couple of hours we are flying to North Carolina to spend time with Ed's family. We will be celebrating the New Year with them.  My hope although I doubt I will lose, is to not gain anymore while away.  This fight with the fat monster is always going to be a struggle.  When I return next week I am going to recommit to the program for six weeks.  I have worked too hard over the last year to lose control over my eating now.  I have been repeating the affirmation, "Nothing tastes as good as losing weight feels" since yesterday.  Now if I can get my fat brain to remember that.  Please keep me in your prayers this next week.